The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
