I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
should my penis look like a turkey
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
