Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize