If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
