Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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