Betty ford says i'm here all night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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