I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
