this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
