he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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