That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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