im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
