So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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