I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
