apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
