summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
