i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
