That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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