my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They are going to name an STD after you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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