I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
