I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize