I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
