the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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