Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
