May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
