Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
