I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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