My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
