dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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