Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
