I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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