just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
