words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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