I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize