You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
