um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
