He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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