i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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