I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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