So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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