I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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