I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
