I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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