I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
