I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
