If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
