well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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