I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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