As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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