I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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