Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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