you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love having hate sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
