glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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