hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
