just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
