Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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