I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
