Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
