So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
