who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
