I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
