I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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